Heart to Heart

by Hazel

Let me introduce you to Jean, another dear member of my family. I "adopted" Jean as my "Momskey" soon after her husband died quite suddenly of dementia in 2000. Since she was living right across from me, it was easy to start taking her dishes of food to help supplement her meals, and to do odd jobs around her house.

But as the months passed by and turned into years I gradually began to notice a change in her ability to remember how to perform normal daily routines. It was little things at first. After seeing her eat cold soup one too many times in the middle of winter I knew she had forgotten how to use the microwave or stove. Since I knew she liked to hang her wet laundry outside to dry, I questioned what was going on when I saw only one pair of pants or one blouse at a time hanging on her clothesline. She had forgotten how to use her washing machine so she was trying to wash one item of clothing at a time in the kitchen sink.

The day I found more candy bars than food in her refrigerator after she had gone grocery shopping, was the day I knew her ability to reason and make wise decisions was slipping. However, the biggest shock came one year when I volunteered to get her receipts ready for income taxes. I discovered that she had been draining her savings accounts of thousands of dollars in order to write checks for the many “charities” who were lining up at her door to receive “easy” money. After shutting down that scam, I began to help her manage her finances.

The day I realized that “Momskey” could no longer remember how to drive her car was the day I realized that she needed a “Daughterskey”. She fondly began signing birthday cards, “To my Daughterskey” until she was unable to remember how to write the words. Then I would write them down for her to copy. Sometimes that task would take her several hours as she tenaciously struggled to make the words legible.

The last few months haven’t been easy. In fact they have been excruciatingly painful at times as I watch “Momskey” have less and less control over her bodily functions. But even more heartbreaking is seeing her trapped inside her own confusing thought patterns as she struggles to find the words to express herself in a way that can be understood by others, especially by me.

This breakdown in communications is the hardest blow! All I can do at times is hold her gently in my arms and silently weep as I ask God to give me His patience and compassion to face the ongoing and ever-increasing challenges of taking care of this dear lady who has become “my mom”.

Lately she’s been very confused at times and sometimes doesn’t remember where she is even when she’s in her own home. Sometimes she talks about me in the third person, and I become “that lady who helps me!” Thankfully, the delusions have calmed down somewhat since she started a new medication a week ago. But the on-going struggle to try and make sense of what she is saying and bring her back from the land of oblivion into the world of reality is at times a minute by minute challenge.

As the events of her yesterdays get erased, and the confusion of today reigns, I know that the day may come when she will no longer remember who I am. But what is most important to me is that I remember who she is, and continue to treat her with the love and dignity that she deserves.

She will always be my "Momskey "and I her "Daughterskey", because deep within our hearts is a bond of love that even this disease cannot sever. Together, as mother and daughter, we will continue to bravely face the challenging days ahead as we confront the devastating effects of Alzheimer’s with the weapon of His love.
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I would also like to ask those of you who feel led to please pray for us... especially that God will receive glory in the midst of this time of emotional suffering.